It was almost too taboo to comprehend. It wasn’t too accepted, perhaps it was almost somewhat of a joke. Snark remark. It was hard to justify. It was too foreign. Explain it. Do they understand. Will they. You are crazy. Walk away.
Only time it ever felt real. Something you search for in all the wrong places. The process. The experience. Something clever, something witty, something that just felt right. It was intriguing. The wait. The anticipation. The nervousness. The desire. The vulnerability. The fear. The pleasure. The reward. It felt real.
It was a battle. How could it be. It felt crazy. It felt fake. I feared my dreams. Was this happening. Why was it. Where was my cue. I lied. I let myself down. I let you down. I broke you. I broke us.
Disbelief. I was confused. I was angry. I was stubborn. I was terrified. It all felt too real. How was it. No one knew. No one could understand. No one could explain it. I needed to hear it. They didn’t believe. I didn’t believe. My biggest regret.
It settled. It stung. It was everywhere. A constant reminder. It felt selfish. It felt inconsiderate. I knew it every time. it didn’t matter. Holding back. Giving in. Saying sorry. No right words. You slipped. She arrived. He is deserving. He is great. He is amazing. Don’t do it. Don’t be selfish. He is gone. Say goodbye.
None compare. A feeling. A smile. Favorite memory. It was worth it. You were. You are. Years later. It was you. I can’t explain. Tell me i’m not crazy. Its missing. Where would we be. An unexplained match. A full heart. A life of dreams. Proud moments. Heartache. My best friend. My lover. My love lost.
xo always + forever.